About two years ago, as I scrolled through Netflix in search of a new and exciting show to watch, I stumbled upon a two part comedy special by Scottish comedian Daniel Sloss, recommended by my roommate, and was intrigued by the little blurb that a Netflix intern had probably come up with. Two hours and 5 million vegan jokes later, I felt like I had been on the emotional rollercoaster of a lifetime. One specific theme of that second hour has stuck with me since that first viewing:
“Your life can have a thousand different meanings or even just one. I’d recommend more than one in case you got it wrong…Just imagine that your life, my life, everyone else’s individual life, imagine all of our lives are like our own individual jigsaw puzzles. And as we’re going through life, we’re just slowly piecing it together, bit by bit, based on experiences and lessons that we’ve learned, until we get the best picture. But the thing is, everyone has also lost the box for their jigsaw. So none of us know what the image we’re trying to make is, we’re just confidently ******* guessing. So the best way to do a jigsaw, when you don’t have the image to work off, is to start from the outside, the sides and the four corners… Now obviously as you go through life some of these bits are subject to change…p”
You never really expect that watching a Netflix comedy special in your living room on a weekend is going to give you a whole new understanding of life and its meaning. But here I am, two years later, and not a day goes by when I don’t think about that jigsaw puzzle.
I have often felt like social pressures and the need to survive in a capitalist society have conditioned us to pick one thing we like, to do that for the rest of time, and to cultivate an identity based on that thing. So instead of pursuing 1000-piece puzzles, we are encouraged to make our lives into a 20-piece puzzle, something easily constructed and that may shift slightly over time, but stays relatively consistent and predictable. And I struggled with this idea for quite a while. What things define me? What pursuits do I want to prioritize? How do I find people that represent the different aspects of my identity, and how is my identity shaped by the people around me? And I would always end up overwhelmed, because I never had a concrete answer. With all the little things going on around me, and the various communities I’d been lucky to be a part of, I felt like I had lost myself (or had been lost for a while and just had absolutely no self-awareness). I also knew this was a privileged problem to have.
But maybe Daniel’s right. The beautiful thing about being human is that we are so complex, that every experience can contribute to our identities, and each person we meet adds something unique to our lives, just as we add something unique to theirs. And so I’ve realized that we don’t have to have a concrete answer as to who we are and who we want to be. Beyond our core values, those things are in constant flux, and as we grow and get older, our jigsaw puzzles grow with us, and pieces move around or change as we continue to add new experiences and new people. This has been a comforting realization, and I’m continuing to learn how to find peace in the chaos. And I’m hoping that we can create a world where everyone is given the same, equal freedom to develop their puzzle in their own way, to get the same opportunities to find their own happy chaos.
I'd like to think that the Greeks with all their talk about symphonia would be good pals with Daniel Sloss and his jigsaws.
I am extremely lucky to have been given the opportunity to have a beautiful puzzle, filled with experiences and people that have brought so much meaning and happiness into my life. I have been blessed with the circumstances, support, and freedom to pursue the work of my dreams. Most of this portfolio has been about the experiences and knowledge that I have in my puzzle. But none of those pieces could fit if it weren’t for the incredible people in my life who have made it happen, who have supported me mentally, emotionally, financially, and spiritually. And so I would like to thank you all, from the bottom of my heart, for lending yourselves to the making of my jigsaw. No amount of thank you’s or overextension of this metaphor (which I have clearly done) can capture just how grateful I am for you all.
“Your life can have a thousand different meanings or even just one. I’d recommend more than one in case you got it wrong…Just imagine that your life, my life, everyone else’s individual life, imagine all of our lives are like our own individual jigsaw puzzles. And as we’re going through life, we’re just slowly piecing it together, bit by bit, based on experiences and lessons that we’ve learned, until we get the best picture. But the thing is, everyone has also lost the box for their jigsaw. So none of us know what the image we’re trying to make is, we’re just confidently ******* guessing. So the best way to do a jigsaw, when you don’t have the image to work off, is to start from the outside, the sides and the four corners… Now obviously as you go through life some of these bits are subject to change…p”
You never really expect that watching a Netflix comedy special in your living room on a weekend is going to give you a whole new understanding of life and its meaning. But here I am, two years later, and not a day goes by when I don’t think about that jigsaw puzzle.
I have often felt like social pressures and the need to survive in a capitalist society have conditioned us to pick one thing we like, to do that for the rest of time, and to cultivate an identity based on that thing. So instead of pursuing 1000-piece puzzles, we are encouraged to make our lives into a 20-piece puzzle, something easily constructed and that may shift slightly over time, but stays relatively consistent and predictable. And I struggled with this idea for quite a while. What things define me? What pursuits do I want to prioritize? How do I find people that represent the different aspects of my identity, and how is my identity shaped by the people around me? And I would always end up overwhelmed, because I never had a concrete answer. With all the little things going on around me, and the various communities I’d been lucky to be a part of, I felt like I had lost myself (or had been lost for a while and just had absolutely no self-awareness). I also knew this was a privileged problem to have.
But maybe Daniel’s right. The beautiful thing about being human is that we are so complex, that every experience can contribute to our identities, and each person we meet adds something unique to our lives, just as we add something unique to theirs. And so I’ve realized that we don’t have to have a concrete answer as to who we are and who we want to be. Beyond our core values, those things are in constant flux, and as we grow and get older, our jigsaw puzzles grow with us, and pieces move around or change as we continue to add new experiences and new people. This has been a comforting realization, and I’m continuing to learn how to find peace in the chaos. And I’m hoping that we can create a world where everyone is given the same, equal freedom to develop their puzzle in their own way, to get the same opportunities to find their own happy chaos.
I'd like to think that the Greeks with all their talk about symphonia would be good pals with Daniel Sloss and his jigsaws.
I am extremely lucky to have been given the opportunity to have a beautiful puzzle, filled with experiences and people that have brought so much meaning and happiness into my life. I have been blessed with the circumstances, support, and freedom to pursue the work of my dreams. Most of this portfolio has been about the experiences and knowledge that I have in my puzzle. But none of those pieces could fit if it weren’t for the incredible people in my life who have made it happen, who have supported me mentally, emotionally, financially, and spiritually. And so I would like to thank you all, from the bottom of my heart, for lending yourselves to the making of my jigsaw. No amount of thank you’s or overextension of this metaphor (which I have clearly done) can capture just how grateful I am for you all.
To My Mentors
Dr. John Loeser Dr. Tonya Palermo Dr. Caitlin Murray Kim Kraft Dr. Elise Carlson-Rainer Dr. Dianne Hendricks Dr. Ryan Burt Dr. Bill Moody Dr. Michael Kennedy Dr. Marisol Berríos-Miranda Thank you for your continuous guidance, for teaching me how to be a better student, researcher, and global citizen, and for pushing me to find my own unique way of contributing to the world. |
To the 4030 House and All of its Inhabitants
Thank you for making our 100-year old house, with all of its quirks, into a home. Thank you for providing a safe space, and for giving me beautiful friends with whom I've laughed, I've loved, and I've learned. I'll miss your yellow kitchen, the un-lacquered wooden floors, the Christmas tree that was up until March, and living with 12 strong, intelligent, compassionate women. |
To My UW Community
University Chorale CLUE (Writing Center) UW Honors Seattle Children's UW Neuroscience UW (and its affiliates) has given me the opportunity to meet so many incredible people, and provided me with a sense of community regardless of where I was on campus. Thank you all for teaching me, for pushing me to express myself and share my own experiences and knowledge with others, and for always inspiring me to be better, in any way that I can. |
To My Family
Everything I have achieved over the last four years has been due to your constant support. You've given me the freedom to pursue all opportunities that come my way and to find my own way. I will never be able to repay you for the countless sacrifices you have made to ensure that I can receive the best education and guidance possible. Thank you. |